I was discussing life goals with a childhood friend, Bobby Dimmick (blog | twitter), during lunch today. As we talked about life goals, how to pursue them, the risks involved, and those sorts of things, one of the things that struck me is the language we use. Think about the difference between these two phrases:
- I am willing to give up X.
- I’d like to make Y happen.
Pursuing both ways of saying things may lead you to the exact same list of goals. For instance, “I’m willing to give up chocolate cake,” and “I’d like to have fewer migraines,” are getting to the same thing: having fewer migraines, as chocolate is a migraine trigger. However, if we are truthful with ourselves, saying it the first way doesn’t sound anywhere near as appealing as the second way. Motivation is important to accomplishing our goals. Those things which help keep us motivated spur us towards accomplishing our goals. Those things which are demoralizing can keep us from those very same goals. So language is important.
When thinking about your goals, think about ways to phrase what you want to do and what it takes to do them in positive ways. Eliminate the negative language. Negative language can lead us to not want to think about what we’re doing. Or it can lead us to not do it. For instance, if you’re working with a child and you say, “Walk!” instead of “Don’t run!” you’ll tend to have better results. As soon as you say “No,” or “Can’t,” or “Don’t,” you’re in for a fight. That tendency to think, “Who are you to say ‘No’?” doesn’t go away as we grow up. Most of us just get better at suppressing it. But that takes energy. And that’s the sort of fight that negative language brings about. Energy we spend fighting with ourselves is energy we cannot invest in moving towards accomplishing our goals. That’s why if you can, think about everything in a positive light. Even as you consider what you have to “give up,” focus instead on what you want to do.
