“Pain is weakness leaving the body!”
I heard that quote so many times in my cadet career at The Citadel. So many times, along with other quotes about pain that they just roll off the tongue now when people talk about pain. When we face up to a weakness, there’s usually pain. That’s because we’re trying to force ourselves to change. If you’ve ever taken up running, you know what I mean about pain. Same thing with weight-lifting. Squeezing out the last few reps of the last set can be excruciating. Physical therapy is often painful because you have to reach beyond what is comfortable to get back to where you were. I’ve done three bouts of physical therapy on my left shoulder (in a 12 month period) and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to do physical therapy because of my knees and ankles. And every time I had physical therapists who were focused on strengthening that which was weak, which meant pain, and lots of it. But the pain was worth it to overcome the weaknesses. I was better for it. The quote fit those scenarios.
I long ago identified a weakness in a lot of my people skills. I am painfully introverted. As a result, if I don’t know you I can come across cold and uncaring. Also, even if I do know you, unless we have something very strongly in common, conversation can be awkward. Then there are the stereotypical techie talk full of jargon and bad puns and the stereotypical techie “If I think you’re wrong I want to show you why because it matters, even if you don’t see it” characteristics. I know quite a few folks just like me. Because these are stereotypical techie behaviors, it’s easy to excuse them. “Folks just don’t understand us.” “The guys I hang out with are all the same way.” I could go on, but you get the point.
While I’ve identified this weakness, I haven’t proactively gone after it. I know it can be overcome, as I have had friends who have done that. Also, I remember a Chefography on Giada De Laurentiis which talked about how she overcame the same thing. So that’s the next big thing to work on. I know I miss out on opportunities to connect with people because of this weakness. I also miss out on opportunities to deepen relationships with those I do manage to connect with. Finally, I know that the typical techie stereotypes means that sometimes it’s more a struggle to help someone understand and agree with a given solution, even when it meets their requirements the best. I can save a lot of time and build a better team attitude if I seriously work on this weakness. It’s going to be painful, but as I learned at The Citadel, it’ll be worth it.
Is there something you know is a weak spot that you’ve not addressed but could? What’s stopping you? Fear? Knowing the pain the change will require? A good question to ask is, “How much do I lose or miss out on because I won’t address this weakness?” Remember, whenever you have to spend energy and resources to make up for a weakness, you are rendering that energy and resources unavailable for anything else. You’ve used them up. So even if you say, “I can overcome,” you’re still giving up something. Is not dealing with the weakness worth that?
