Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother generated a lot of controversy when it first debuted. Indeed it should, because in general, parenting styles always do. There are stereotypes to Western vs. Asian parenting but they are just that, stereotypes. For instance, my father, born in bread in the South, probably was more of a Tiger Mother than my mother, who is Japanese, although both were very strict in my childhood. Needless to say, some of Amy Chua’s anecdotes brought back memories as I remember similar things in my own upbringing.
If you are a parent, this is a book worth reading. If you are considering becoming a parent, this is a book worth reading. However, keep several things in mind:
- Chua is not advocating a particular method for child rearing. She is documenting her family’s journey.
- Quite a few of the incidents are to be looked back on with humor along the lines of, “What was I thinking?” A classic example is, “What are your dreams for Coco?” This is the question Amy asks her husband about their Samoyed (dog).
- The most tenuous of battles between Chua and her daughters led her to eventually change her parenting style. In fact, the whole book hints at that more and more until the point where she finally comes to the conclusion that she needs to change.
- These represent snippets of incidents, ones probably picked because of their absurdity or because of their significance. In the end, Lulu, the daughter she has the biggest battles with, reveals she doesn’t hate her mom in the Coda of the book and actually is glad in some cases that her mother pushed her so hard. Chua’s other daughter, Sophia, has publicly written defending her mother and pointing out that because they are snippets, things are easily taken out of context.
So why do I suggest reading the book if you’re a parent or you’re thinking about it? First, because all parents that are trying to be a parent have battles with their kids. It’s good to see that we’re not alone. Second, because there are times when you push and you see things from one perspective and others don’t. For instance, Amy was constantly complimented on how well behaved her children were and how amazing musically they were. However, to get those characteristics, there’s an awful lot of work involved. Sometimes being a parent means taking the harder road. Third, because sometimes as a parent we can push too far. This book presents an opportunity to live vicariously and see the warning signs through someone else’s eyes so we can make our own corrections as parents. Fourth and finally, because parenting is about growth. We don’t start out being great parents. As many have said, we don’t go to school to be parents. This means we’ll make our fair share of mistakes. Some of us more than others.
Also, if you have the opportunity to instead listen to it on audibook where Chua herself is reading it, that would be preferable. Her voice carries the humor that may be missing from the written word. I definitely would recommend the audiobook over the written one.